Influencing People – the rules of engagement Part 1

“Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you will face” wrote Dale Carnegie in 1936 in his internationally renowned book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’.

He had discovered through extensive research into what has underpinned the success of people throughout history, that the ability to interact with and influence people is paramount.

Although almost a century has passed, the principles in this easy-to read book, which is full of anecdotes both from the author and from many other famous leaders, remain true.  Indeed, if you were reading for the first time, you’d recognise many as they have been re-cast and promoted by more contemporary authors on the subject of communications, sales and leadership.

There are 30 principles in the book – a number of them fall under a similar banner – shifting your focus to the other person.  A trap many of us fall into is entering into communication with another person with our thoughts on our own needs and an overwhelming desire to share our point of view, feelings and personal experiences.  It’s quite a difficult realisation to accept that generally people aren’t interested in you they are interested in themselves. 

To quote Roman poet Publius Syrus, “We are interested in others when they are interested in us.’

Of course, this must be done with sincerity – for it to come over as such you must be doing it genuinely.

Here are five tips for starters:

1. Give the gift of a smile – be it to a shop assistant, a colleague or family member – face to face or on the telephone…it lets the other person know that you’re glad to see them and will brighten your day and theirs.

2. Remember and use people’s names.

3. Make the other person feel important – through acknowledging their position (polite deference), giving them attention, crediting their experience, knowledge or skills or praising something they’ve done.

4. Show a genuine interest in other people:

• Remember their birthdays and other significant events.
• Give them your full attention – be present for them (put on hold your texting, answering emails, reading the paper, etc).
• Find out about their interests so that you can ask about these things and tap into their passion and enthusiasm.
• Listen to them when they talk about themselves – rather than hijacking the conversation to then share your experience of the same subject, probe and prompt and encourage them to carry on talking (they’ll appreciate you for being a great listener and a skilled conversationalist without you having to do much more than interject a few questions).

5.     Put yourself out to do things for other people – things that take time and energy – they will appreciate you for your thoughtfulness.

In Part 2 – some tips on influencing people to your way of thinking.Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is published by Vermillion