Get the Habit – Habit 4 – Think Win Win

The first three “habits” in Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” are about your personal effectiveness; to quote the author: “You can’t be successful with other people if you haven’t paid the price of success with yourself…self mastery and self discipline are the foundation of good relationships with others.”

To refresh your memory here are the links to previous Habit blogs:

Habit 1 – Be Proactive:  concentrate on the things you can influence and work towards – we have a choice about our attitude and the way we approach life.

Habit 2 – Begin with the End in Mind: be clear about what your purpose in life is, what you value, what gives you enjoyment and what you want to be remembered for – rather than spending your life waiting to get there, celebrate what you’ve got and put in place actions to achieve the things that are missing.

Habit 3 – First things First: plan to spend time on the Important Not Urgent tasks – the ones which which feed possibilities and move you forward towards the things you will want to achieve; and the ones that will starve problems by anticipating them and preventing crises from happening. Gain time by effective delegation.

Getting into the habit of thinking about things from a win/win perspective is this month’s challenge.  This is the first of the habits that focus on the interdependent relationships with others.

Thinking win/win is about considering mutual benefit – I win AND you win as well.  This is a shift from the competitive thinking position of I have to win at your expense (win/lose); or the submissive position of I’ll accept a losing position so that you can benefit from winning (lose/win).

The latter resonates with me as a parent – think about it, how often have you agreed to be taxi driver and had to forego your share of the bottle of wine for no reward other than peace of mind!

Achieving a win/win needs a mindset where you are prepared to think above and beyond initial preconceptions about what you want out of a situation; taking consideration for the other person’s position.  You need the belief that it doesn’t have to be either your way or theirs – there will exist a third alternative – a better way that reaps rewards for both parties.

Of course, there will be situations where this is impossible – in which case the alternative of ‘No deal; can be preferable – ie if we can’t find a way that allows us both to win then we agree to walk away.  This can work at the beginning of an enterprise or business relationship but is harder to do part way through.

Covey suggests there are five dimensions to win/win:

Character – it is essential that you operate with integrity (being true to your values and making and keeping promises and commitments), maturity (being able to express yourself courageously while having consideration for the other party), and with a belief that there is plenty of what ever it is out there that you want a bit of (prestige, recognition, profits, etc) for everybody.

Relationships – this is about trust and about building up the relationship with the other party through courteous behaviour, respect and appreciation for their point of view – this needs great listening skills.

Agreements –  developing mutual understanding up front so that both parties know what is expected – a partnership agreement would cover the desired results (what is to be done and when – but leaving the method of this to the other party), guidelines setting out the boundaries of operation or constraints, resources available, accountability, and finally the consequences that might ensue, dependent on the end results (rewards and penalties – financial, psychological, opportunities and responsibilities) .

Systems – the broader contextual environment in which you and the other party are seeking to make the win/win – if the systems don’t align with/or support your agreement then you might need to review the system.

Processes – the methodology for going about seeking a win/win:

1. Seek to understand the problem/situation from standing in the other person’s shoes – to the extent of being able to explain the needs and concerns of the other party as well as they could themselves
2. Identify the main issues and concerns
3. Establish what outcomes would be acceptable
4. Consider how those outcomes can be achieved – generating new options.

 

Here are your three tasks for getting to grips with Habit 4:

1. Atune your awareness to the position you take in entering into various situations, negotiations and interactions with others. Do you typically seek to win at the expense of others, capitulate to keep the harmony or actively seek to achieve a winning position for both parties?
2. Take one specific relationship or upcoming situation where you would like to achieve a win/win. Consider the other person’s viewpoint. What do they want/need from you? And what outcomes would be a ‘win’ for you?       Work with the other person to come up with new ways to find a mutually beneficial solution.
3. If you don’t naturally approach things from a win/win standpoint, consider what it is that stops you doing this.  What are the barriers and what could you do about them?

Ready for the next habit?  Click here for Habit 5 – Seek first to Understand

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen Covey (1989)is published by Franklin Covey Co ISBN 0-684-85839-8